We all have ideas for what the summer before college should look like: No academic obligations. No professional obligations. Late-night bonfires. Road trips to the beach. Hiking at Starved Rock. The best summer of our lives. And yet, it really goes more like this: No academic obligations. Grad parties. No professional obligations. Grad parties. Late-night bonfires. Grad parties. Road trips to the beach. Grad parties. Grad parties. Grad parties.

Graduation parties are meant to be celebrations—a moment to mark the accomplishment of years of hard work. These parties are often sentimental, with decorations showcasing the student’s future college and heartfelt speeches from friends and family. But, if you attend a few too many, something becomes painfully obvious: they all start to feel the same. What was once supposed to be a celebration of individual achievements and future ambitions often turns into a marathon of awkward small talk, over-the-top speeches, and logistical headaches. 

Take small talk, for instance. Chances are you will see the same attendees at almost every party as you are obligated to attend every single one in your friend groups. At one point, you end up fumbling through the same basic, redundant questions over and over again: “What college are you going to?” “What’s your major?” “Have you figured out where you’re living yet?”  These over-asked questions sour the experience of celebrating friends and family and overshadow what the event should actually be about.

You’re forced to pick and choose between friends’ parties, trying to avoid double-booking yourself, knowing full well that if you skip one, you’ll risk hurting someone’s feelings. There’s always that one person whose party overlaps with another, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t be in two places at once. Even if you’re able to attend multiple events in one day, you find yourself running from one party to another, half-heartedly enjoying each because you’re already thinking about the next.

And then the logistics: Should you go for something thoughtful and personal or stick to a standard gift card? And what about the dress code—is this a casual t-shirt event, or do I need to wear my Sunday best? These small decisions pile up, adding unnecessary stress to a summer meant to be “the best one yet.” The culture of high school grad parties really isn’t worth the hassle.

And who can forget the stress of planning your own party? Spending the weeks leading up to the event worrying that your friends won’t come or your parents will embarrass you with a random childhood anecdote. As the host, you are meant to greet all of your parent’s friends, answering the same repeated questions about your future. You most likely can’t enjoy the night with your friends as you stand and take pictures with all your attendees.

Obviously, not all grad parties look like this…but most do. At a point, grad parties are thrown out of obligation, not the actual desire to celebrate your accomplishments. These events overshadow what the summer truly is: spending time with loved ones before starting a new chapter in your life. When the pressure of hosting or attending becomes a chore, the real purpose of the summer—reflecting on the past and looking forward to the future—gets lost.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t throw grad parties. Be proud of your accomplishments and celebrate them with loved ones! But be mindful of how you will be planning your party, and don’t throw one just because everyone else is throwing one. Consider going on grad trips or having grad dinners with a sect of close loved ones. 

There’s a quiet joy in spending quality time with close friends and family, free from the need to perform or meet expectations. Whether it’s staying up late talking, going on spontaneous trips, or simply enjoying the calm before the storm, these are the moments that truly define the transition into adulthood. Grad parties may be a part of the tradition, but they shouldn’t be the defining feature of what should be one of the most memorable summers of your life.